One of the most overused ideas I see in relationship/dating advice online is the one about the finding someone who completes you. I see this often, and mostly from younger women. I am sure some men that believe in it too, but I definitely see it more from women.
“Fall for someone who completes you.”
“When you find that special someone, you will know, because you will feel complete.”
It sounds so romantic doesn’t it? Well, it’s not romantic. In fact, it’s bullshit. I know there are women reading this that already know better from experience, but this is for the ladies in the back that are still holding on to this unrealistic, theatrical ideal. Thanks, Jerry Maguire.
It seems that a lot of these people view themselves as jigsaw puzzles, walking around with a missing piece in the form of their lost lover they have yet to meet, “the one.” They just need to find this person and only then can they be whole. This idea is nonsensical and can actually be quite destructive. The perception that we can only become complete from someone else outside of ourselves is based on a false ideology that creates the illusion that we can’t be complete on our own. This type of thinking is a sign of codependency, defined as, “An excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner,” which is of course not healthy for you or for your relationships.
When you go looking for your “other half” who you think is going to magically complete you, what you are doing is denying your own potential of being an already whole, functional, and happy human being. You are attempting to give them power that only you can give to yourself.
Depending on someone else to complete you can also be counterproductive. Men are attracted to women that can be happy with or without him, not a woman who is desperately clinging to this idea of having him complete her. Neediness is unattractive to men because they can sense that you don’t completely value yourself as a single woman, which affects how they will view you as well. If you are a woman who takes the responsibility of your happiness in to your own hands, then you are a woman who a man can see as a complete person whose life he wants to be a part of, not define. When we meet someone special, they can add enrichment to our lives, but that is different than looking for someone to complete us as people.
You’re not a puzzle. You are a whole person who is complete on your own. You don’t need someone else to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.