Recently, a blogger that I follow linked to an info-graphic from a site called LovesAGame.
It was also associated with an article that listed advice on things you must do in order to survive a breakup.
You can see the link here with the info-graphic towards the bottom of the page.
The very first point on this list really got my attention.
Get It Out Of Your System.
Do what you have to do to feel better. Ask them to come back, beg, plead, harass. Yes, you will hate yourself later for it, but the knowledge that you tried everything to fix things will make it easier for your recovery later.
No, no, absolutely not. Doing this is not wise at all.
What’s interesting is that the advise in rest of list is okay and some of it is actually pretty good, but this first point tells us to beg, plead, or even harass to get someone back…and that is the exact opposite of what one should be doing.
I had a few boyfriends in my teens and early 20s. Back in those days, breakups would hit me hard. I mean, they left me devastated. I’d be crying for days, pouting and feeling like shit for weeks to months, and I’d lose weight because I had no appetite. You’d think someone close to me had died. I had little to no self esteem, and yes I was once the girl who would beg the guy to take me back through any means necessary.
Of course it never worked and only pushed them further away. No one likes a groveling, desperate clinger.
The last thing any guy wants from an ex girlfriend is to get that call where she cries for him to take her back like some pathetic loser. It pushes them away and makes them lose any and all respect for her immediately.
Anything that is being chased will run away. If you are begging and pleading, then you are chasing, and doing this will result in men running away from you, not towards you.
It’s not the way you want to show them that you are “willing to fix things,” as the info-graphic claims. Instead, it will actually only prove to them that they made the right decision in breakup up with you in the first place.
Men want to be with a woman who understands her worth – someone with self respect who desires him, but doesn’t need him. She can be happy without or without him. A begging woman demonstrates that she requires him to survive and function, and that is exactly what pushes them away.
Now that doesn’t mean that you can’t eventually invite them to reconsider the breakup. If the circumstances surrounding the breakup change in your favor, why not reestablish the connection? But my advise would be to first give them some space. The no-contact rule for at least a few weeks is essential in either getting over a breakup or attracting them back to you. During that time of no-contact, you can be working on self improvement, resolving the issues on your end that lead to the initial breakup, and then you can calmly and rationally revisit the idea of getting back together. This way you can approach them in an attractive, distinguished manner and they will be more likely to consider your proposal.
When I began to understand my own worth, I adopted more of an abundance mentality when it came to men and breaking up. Interestingly enough, this is part of what motivated ex boyfriends to want me back. They saw that I didn’t feel the need to plead or harass them like other girls were doing. They realized that I could just move on afterwards, and that was attractive to them.
I remember what it’s like to suffer a broken heart after a breakup. I know how, in the moment, it can feel like the best thing to do is to throw yourself at him, relinquishing all dignity and self control, and tell him that you need him, that you were meant to be together, and things will be different if he just stays with you.
I promise, doing so does more harm than good.
Never beg someone to come back to you.
– Ash Pariseau