Breaking Up: The Last Thing You Should Ever Do

Recently, a blogger that I follow linked to an info-graphic from a site called LovesAGame.

It was also associated with an article that listed advice on things you must do in order to survive a breakup.

You can see the link here with the info-graphic towards the bottom of the page.

The very first point on this list really got my attention.

Get It Out Of Your System.

Do what you have to do to feel better. Ask them to come back, beg, plead, harass. Yes, you will hate yourself later for it, but the knowledge that you tried everything to fix things will make it easier for your recovery later.

No, no, absolutely not. Doing this is not wise at all.

What’s interesting is that the advise in rest of list is okay and some of it is actually pretty good, but this first point tells us to beg, plead, or even harass to get someone back…and that is the exact opposite of what one should be doing.

I had a few boyfriends in my teens and early 20s. Back in those days, breakups would hit me hard. I mean, they left me devastated. I’d be crying for days, pouting and feeling like shit for weeks to months, and I’d lose weight because I had no appetite. You’d think someone close to me had died. I had little to no self esteem, and yes I was once the girl who would beg the guy to take me back through any means necessary.

Of course it never worked and only pushed them further away.  No one likes a groveling, desperate clinger.

The last thing any guy wants from an ex girlfriend is to get that call where she cries for him to take her back like some pathetic loser.  It pushes them away and makes them lose any and all respect for her immediately.

Anything that is being chased will run away. If you are begging and pleading, then you are chasing, and doing this will result in men running away from you, not towards you.

It’s not the way you want to show them that you are “willing to fix things,” as the info-graphic claims.  Instead, it will actually only prove to them that they made the right decision in breakup up with you in the first place.

Men want to be with a woman who understands her worth – someone with self respect who desires him, but doesn’t need him. She can be happy without or without him. A begging woman demonstrates that she requires him to survive and function, and that is exactly what pushes them away.

Now that doesn’t mean that you can’t eventually invite them to reconsider the breakup. If the circumstances surrounding the breakup change in your favor, why not reestablish the connection?  But my advise would be to first give them some space. The no-contact rule for at least a few weeks is essential in either getting over a breakup or attracting them back to you. During that time of no-contact, you can be working on self improvement, resolving the issues on your end that lead to the initial breakup, and then you can calmly and rationally revisit the idea of getting back together.  This way you can approach them in an attractive, distinguished manner and they will be more likely to consider your proposal.

When I began to understand my own worth, I adopted more of an abundance mentality when it came to men and breaking up. Interestingly enough, this is part of what motivated ex boyfriends to want me back. They saw that I didn’t feel the need to plead or harass them like other girls were doing. They realized that I could just move on afterwards, and that was attractive to them.

I remember what it’s like to suffer a broken heart after a breakup. I know how, in the moment, it can feel like the best thing to do is to throw yourself at him, relinquishing all dignity and self control, and tell him that you need him, that you were meant to be together, and things will be different if he just stays with you.

I promise, doing so does more harm than good.

Never beg someone to come back to you.

– Ash Pariseau

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Ash Pariseau
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Comments 6

  • My twice-divorced father had marginal taste in women but he knew a lot about them and passed some of it on.

    1. He said it was always better to be wanted than needed. Between someone that says they want you and someone who says they need you, always go with the one who wants you, if for no other reason than they’re less likely to resent you later. There’s nothing cooler than being with someone who wants to be with you.

    2. There’s nobody you can’t live without. There may be people you’ll miss terribly if they’re no longer in your life but you can live without them.

    3. There’s somebody for everybody but nothing says there’s only one somebody for everybody in the universe.

    4. If someone doesn’t respect you or treat you well, get rid of them and find someone who does. Men/women are like buses. Miss one and eventually another on will come around the corner.

    He got little cynical on some of them but it came from experience.

    5. If someone takes off on you:

    a. You don’t ask them to stay.
    b. You don’t tell them they can come back.
    c. You don’t follow them.
    d. Lock the door behind them,
    e. Maybe they’ll come back and maybe they won’t.
    f. Nothing says you have to take them back

    In my experience, nothing beats being with a smart and self-sufficient woman. If someone wants you it’s because of who you are. If someone needs you, it’s because of something they lack.

    If a smart and self-sufficient woman wants you, you must have something going for you.

    • All of that is great advice and wisdom, I’d say. Thank you for sharing that, Scharnhorst.

      “In my experience, nothing beats being with a smart and self-sufficient woman”

      Indeed. Check my quote in the right hand sidebar. A good man will appreciate a smart and self sufficient woman.

  • “Do what you have to do to feel better. Ask them to come back, beg, plead, harass. Yes, you will hate yourself later for it, but the knowledge that you tried everything to fix things will make it easier for your recovery later.”

    Dumbest advice ever.
    The only thing this would do for anyone is produce a terrible memory.
    Worse, Imagine if the person stayed out of pity. That happens.
    Pity without affection is a recipe for contempt.

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