Too Good To The Undeserving

Lately I’ve seen a particular quote image being passed around on social media, mostly by younger women.

It says:

“My heart is so big, you can do me so dirty and I will still manage to forgive you and love you.”

The way I read this is that they are proud of having a big heart, no matter how badly they are treated. I assume they think this is a good thing, but I would have to disagree.

It’s true that having a big heart is good, but there is a such thing as too good. Being too generous, too accommodating, and too forgiving – are not good when the person treats you like garbage in return.

I’ve had my own experience with this. I would forgive people often and easily, only to have them take advantage of me yet again. I used to move mountains for people who wouldn’t scoot rocks for me. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson from it.

It’s true that you teach people how to treat you. And there are going to be people everywhere testing the waters and pushing your boundaries to see how far they can get. Not everyone will abuse this, but the sum of those who will are still too many to risk wearing your heart on your sleeve.

When you continue to give and forgive those who are mistreating you or doing you dirty, what you have is a lack of self worth. What you won’t have is respect or love from those people in return.

Today, when someone acts up around me, I call them out. I stand up for myself. I command a correction in their behavior and if they refuse then they don’t get to be in my life. That’s what it means to have self worth.

I’m not a bitch. I am not aggressive. What I aim to be is assertive. It’s something I still work on, but I’ve made some significant progress over the last decade or so.

I used to be afraid that standing up for myself would turn people away.  Actually, my experience has been the opposite. People have instead become more attracted to me – friends, men, employers, business associates alike. It takes practice and time, but it’s well worth it.

The only people who would turn away from you for having boundaries and self value are going to be those you wouldn’t want in your life anyway – this is called the trash taking itself out.

Of course it’s okay to have a big heart, but if you do, you must also have a big heart to yourself.

This allows people to understand how to respect you and love you back properly.

— Ash Pariseau

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Ash Pariseau
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Comments 13

  • interesting this “forgiving” thing.

    had one person tell me i should forgiver her, “yntil she got it right”. i tried that, and it only led to more passive aggressive behavior on her part.

    anothet person told me very early on that she was “very forgiving”. i don’t know what of, because she blamed me for something i didnt do, and nevet forgave me for it.

    if someone is talking about “forgiveness” early on in a friendship or relationship, i now consider it a red flag.

  • Forgiving has nothing to do with the heart or the size of it for that matter.
    First of all the only way to get an enlarged heart is to inject steroids.
    Secondly girls don’t forgive constantly because they are so forgiving and have some kind of updated heart that is by design geared towards forgiveness.
    They do it simply because due to social conditioning they feel undeserving, inadequate and less. So they forgive. They give in.
    It reminds me of this proud woman, this really hot chick I dated and was with for some time. I did something once. Just once that she felt was really disrespectful. And this girl was really into me. But when I crossed the line, I never saw her again. Ever. She disappeared from my life. And I respect her for that! She did what a woman is supposed to do. If the man plays you, you don’t forgive. You leave.

  • I see girls share those kind of quotes like that on facebook all the time.

    It’s like their version of virtue signaling.

  • I always wonder who writes crap like that. It reads like it was written by a 15 year old girl who went through her first heartbreak.

  • If someone does you dirty, you don’t just forgive them, you leave them.

  • “When you continue to give and forgive those who are mistreating you or doing you dirty, what you have is a lack of self worth. What you won’t have is respect or love from those people in return.”

    I should stop reading your blog, Ash. It gives me flashbacks.

    When my ex was on her second drive-by, she told hinted she wasn’t going to be in town for a while. It became clear the conversation wasn’t going to proceed until I pulled the string, so I did. She said she was flying to LA for a long weekend with my successor. I asked, “The guy who’s cheating on you?” Same guy.

    I told her, “I thought you had more self-respect. You really don’t like yourself much, do you? Either way, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it and I’m not giving you a ride to the airport.”

    The interesting thing is about a month later, she told me, “You taught me how to stand up for myself and I’m grateful to you for that.”

    In the 5 years we crossed paths, she actually said a lot of nice things about me but of all of them, that was the nicest.

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