Lately I’ve seen a particular quote image being passed around on social media, mostly by younger women.
“My heart is so big, you can do me so dirty and I will still manage to forgive you and love you.”
The way I read this is that they are proud of having a big heart, no matter how badly they are treated. I assume they think this is a good thing, but I would have to disagree.
It’s true that having a big heart is good, but there is a such thing as too good. Being too generous, too accommodating, and too forgiving – are not good when the person treats you like garbage in return.
I’ve had my own experience with this. I would forgive people often and easily, only to have them take advantage of me yet again. I used to move mountains for people who wouldn’t scoot rocks for me. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson from it.
It’s true that you teach people how to treat you. And there are going to be people everywhere testing the waters and pushing your boundaries to see how far they can get. Not everyone will abuse this, but the sum of those who will are still too many to risk wearing your heart on your sleeve.
When you continue to give and forgive those who are mistreating you or doing you dirty, what you have is a lack of self worth. What you won’t have is respect or love from those people in return.
Today, when someone acts up around me, I call them out. I stand up for myself. I command a correction in their behavior and if they refuse then they don’t get to be in my life. That’s what it means to have self worth.
I’m not a bitch. I am not aggressive. What I aim to be is assertive. It’s something I still work on, but I’ve made some significant progress over the last decade or so.
I used to be afraid that standing up for myself would turn people away. Actually, my experience has been the opposite. People have instead become more attracted to me – friends, men, employers, business associates alike. It takes practice and time, but it’s well worth it.
The only people who would turn away from you for having boundaries and self value are going to be those you wouldn’t want in your life anyway – this is called the trash taking itself out.
Of course it’s okay to have a big heart, but if you do, you must also have a big heart to yourself.
This allows people to understand how to respect you and love you back properly.
— Ash Pariseau