Top 5 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest Immediately

why men lose interestThe other day I received an email from a 20-something woman asking my thoughts on why this guy she had been seeing might have suddenly lost interest.

She explained her story and how he seemed very interested during the few times they were together. Then she mentioned that he slowly started to back away in communication and enthusiasm. Usually hearing about the slow fade makes me wonder if someone else was in the picture, but she insisted that didn’t seem like the case.

I’ve actually been asked about this before and have seen a lot of women complain about the sudden loss of interest from men.

Sometimes the connection just isn’t there and it has nothing to do with you – but also sometimes it does.

Based on what I have personally experienced and observed in others, I’ve noticed a pattern in what typically annoys men and turns them away.

Being too needy.

This is huge attraction killer.

Texting or calling 20 times a day. Trying to spend every waking moment together. Hounding him for affirmation.

I’ve written before about women who constantly demand his attention and never give him any room to breathe.

It makes them feel suffocated as if they have no freedom, so there’s this push-pull effect that comes into motion. The more you text him, “What are you doing? Are you mad at me?” the less like he is to respond to you. When you keep pushing towards him, he’ll start to pull away.

I’ve seen a guy break up with my friend simply because she texts too much. I can think of a couple of instances in the past where I have guilty of this as well. It becomes like a bad habit but it needs to be eliminated.

Being needy also makes you appear as lower value. Men know that higher value women aren’t going to be needy or clingy and they have no problem giving him space. You have to learn when to chill out and back off. Any decent man will appreciate this quality in a woman.

This doesn’t mean you don’t put in any work into the relationship. There’s a difference between being needy and putting in the necessary effort.

Show your interest in him one time, then wait and let him reciprocate.

Having no life.

Simply put, you’re boring. Aside from him, you have no interests of your own. You are stuck in a basic routine and you never allow yourself to operate outside of your little box and actually experience life. Men will tire easily of women who have no authentic identity.  He wants to know who YOU truly are.

For a man to stay interested, you have to be an interesting woman. You have to take him complete surprise and stand out from the others. Men love outsiders. Trust me on this – they do.

You can’t just be a do-nothing bitch and expect a man to think you’re woman of the universe. Find some kind of passion in your life. Dare to be different. Have a voice that is yours. Become fearless in your convictions.

It doesn’t even matter much what it is as long as it’s you being authentically you. A man will respect the woman who has the audacity to be herself, unapologetically.

Once you live authentically and pursue your own life’s mission, you become your own source of self esteem and any man with good sense will find you irresistible.

You’re insecure.

Insecurity will manifest itself in several different types of behavior.

The most common ways women will act out of insecurity are when they trash talk other women, constant paranoia or worry about the state of the relationship, needing lots of reassurance that she’s beautiful, awesome, and everything is going great, over analyzing everything is says or doesn’t say, easily become jealous of him having any fun, being dramatic for the sake of getting more attention, etc.

As soon as a man can tell this type of behavior is going to be a pattern, he will instantly lose attraction.

A man is going to want the woman of self confidence and control, not the little girl who always has to ask if the outfit looks good on her.

He desires the grown ass woman who knows she looks good and that he’s lucky to have her.

If you know you’re awesome, he will believe you’re awesome too.

You seem to have an agenda.

If you aren’t careful or sincere in your relationship with a guy, he’ll eventually sense that you are up to something.

A common agenda is when a woman is mainly focused on marriage and kids. She’ll tend to skip all the necessary components of letting a relationship grow and get straight to the point, pushing him into heavy commitments early on.

Then she’ll communicating her desire for planning a wedding and pregnancy, regardless of whether or not he has proposed. If he feels this is being rushed in any way, he’ll pull back and his interest in staying with you diminishes.

Another agenda I might see is when a woman is using him, either for his money or to make someone else jealous. Men are a little less intuitive about this one but if she takes advantage of him for long enough, he will eventually start to pick up on her lack of genuine interest in him as a person.

Don’t go into a relationship with these kind of intentions. It’s always better to meet a man you are truly interested in that you can have a real relationship with. A relationship that grows naturally because his future plans are properly aligned with yours from the beginning.

If you are in a rush to get married, have kids, or whatever else, you’ll likely just end up being disappointed.

You’re making things too easy for him.

The surest way to lose a man’s interest is by giving him everything he wants.

Yes, you read that correctly. You mustn’t give a man complete relationship satisfaction – at least, not right away.


Because no man will appreciate a woman who serves herself up to him on a silver platter without working for it.

Men have a biological need to pursue a woman of interest. Having to put in effort for you gives him a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

If he gets everything he wants up front without having to do anything, it feels undeserved to him. It feels fake and disingenuous. It makes you seem desperate and lower value.

I used to make this mistake in my early 20s as well. I’d think, “I’ll change things up and pursue him. He’ll appreciate my effort and won’t be able to resist.”

Unfortunately, this was rarely the case. I didn’t know what I was doing, so without realizing it I’d always end up being the only one putting in any effort or enthusiasm. I was making myself too available too soon which turned them off.

When you give a man undeserved relationship satisfaction, you will witness the downfall of that relationship.

There’s a saying that goes,

“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy.

If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing.”

I challenge you to ask your male coworkers or friends if this is true. Most will agree.

Keep this in mind when you are with someone new.

If you like this post, feel free to share or leave a comment. You can also sign up for the newsletter in the box below. 

Until next time,

— Ash Pariseau


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Ash Pariseau
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Comments 16

  • All of these are so true. Confidence, not being needy, not making him the center of the universe, being direct, and making him chase and all essentials for attracting the right guy.

  • Yes yes and more YES. The needy thing is HUGE. I think that (well, back in my single and dating days which seems like forever and a day ago) having an active social life and busy day made me seem a bit more inaccessible to men. You don’t want to be too available (though I FRIGGIN hate these games, everything in moderation is key!).

    And confidence is sexy! Sometimes I wish I could go back to my younger self and whisper that in her ear. I struggled with that one in my 20s and early 30s.


    • Thank you, Charlotte.

      I personally don’t like to think of things like this as playing games, but rather having a dating strategy. We all have a strategy even if we don’t realize it. It’s just that most people operate on a basic one.

  • This was really well done. All very true.

  • Add this to the list.: You were too ambiguous,.

    While trying to be coy and mysterious, he misread your signals and he said or did something wrong.

    Here’s another dirty little secret about men:

    When we like a woman, we replay encounters to a degree that puts the FBI looking at security tapes of a bank robbery to shame. And, we’re trying to do it in real time with you sitting across the table. Based on we PERCEIVE, we assign probabilities of what something means. Now, if he thinks the woman is sending a signal and there’s an 80% chance of a favorable interpretation and a 20% chance of an unfavorable interpretation, a lot of of guys, mostly the sincere ones, will assume the unfavorable interpretation.

    Why is that? Because if he guesses wrong on the favorable interpretation, he’ll probably never know what he might have missed and unless he learns something new, he won’t care. At worst, he might feel some regret later. But, probably not. It’s the safe route.

    But, if he thinks it’s a favorable sign and guesses wrong, a sincere guy will feel embarrassed and stupid. Why? He doesn’t want to come across as a jerk or a creep. You don’t have to make him look stupid, the situation only has to make him feel stupid. It wasn’t intentional but that’s the way he feels. Now, if you make a guy who’s being sincere and acting in good faith feels embarrassed or stupid, he can turn cold on you so fast that by the time you get back from the ladies room, you’ll think hell froze over. Why? He doesn’t like to make the same mistake twice. And, you’ll have no clue why.

    You wonder why you got ghosted? It can easily be because he misread one your signals and it embarrassed him or made him feel stupid. And, the thing is, he won’t tell you. No man in the early stages of a relationship will admit to a woman he’s just starting to date that he misread her and that made him feel stupid. At that stage, you’re just not that important to him. Again, it was a totally unintentional miscommunication. You thought you were being coy but your definition and his were different. But, at that point, neither of you are likely to figure that out, not that he’ll be likely to afford you that chance. Most of us don’t allow people who makes us feel stupid the chance to do again. If being with you comes with the chance of feeling stupid or embarrassed, he’ll look for a woman who doesn’t. If we misread you once, we could misread you, again.

    So, not only have you alienated someone you might have gotten something going with, you’ve made it that much harder for the next woman. The next time he’s in a similar situation, he’s going to assume the unfavorable possibility because between the possibility of regret later and the possibility of feeling stupid right now, he’ll always opt for possible regret later. Bet on it.

    Went on a little rant there….

  • You girls are lovely. Really. I like reading chicks discussing their stuff:)
    As a man, who has been with too many women to count, i will tell you the magic.
    Here is how it works: you can be a bit needy, boring(no life), insecure, have a little agenda(we all do), and be quite easy to pick up and soon take home, if a man likes you, he is still going to invest in you more and will be interested in seeing you again and again.
    Almost exclusively, this pulling back and kinda disappearing happens, when the guy was not very much interested in you in the first place, just wanted to F. And you showed interest and then he knew he had you. So to him, the thrill of the hunt is basically over, it is not interesting to him to linger around any longer. He knows he could have you easy. If you go ahead and try it you will see..if you meet the man again, that pulled back from you once already, and you have sex, you will probably hear from him once or twice more, then never again.
    Interestingly, on the contrary when you women play this idiotic push and pull game, you dont pull back due to lack of interest. You do because you are interested, and you want to see the man’s response. See if he is really interested. For which only a boy falls, but okay you get a pass on this, because women never really grow up. You just become a more responsible teenager.


    The Man

    • The push pull isn’t what I’d call a game really. It’s a strategy because men can’t handle when he doesn’t have to do anything to pursue women. Men lose all respect for women who throw themselves at him especially when it’s undeserved.

      • Ash, who is this lol?

      • Game, strategy, its just playing with the words. A game is a strategic way to play, that is, you play to win the upper hand. Both sexes do it, noone admits to it. Men can handle it, they are just not interested, if theres no chase, just like women. Again, both gender does this too.
        There is no such thing, as losing respect for one another, because first, there is no such thing as respect. Its an artifical creation by society, so individuals can be controlled.
        Second, it is just social conditioning, that if you throw yourself at him, then he will respond negatively. Lol at that. If you like him, attracted to him, he the feeling is mutual, you will just get together and all the respect and other useless nonsense goes out the window.
        Same for deserve. There is no such thing, as you or i need to do something to deserve a certain person. Otherwise its undeserved. This is something similar to the elementary school stuff, like oh he is lucky to have me. Oh, maybe if he is lucky, then he can have me. Cringe.
        But thank you for explaining, how men think:)

    • You literarily just proved her point about why the push and pull strategy is beneficial for women. The man loses the thrill of the hunt after he’s had you, and so it’s important to ensure that he works to get you. A man that really just wants to fuck isn’t going to want to stick around to wait and put in that much effort, and so this strategy actually weeds them out.

      It must be frustrating for men to see women discussing effective dating strategies that we know works, because these strategies do not benefit men. Calling us children/teenagers, runs hollow and reeks of insecurity, but frankly this is kinda in line with what is expected from men that are upset about women coming together to build strategies that benefit themselves.

      This is why women should never take dating advice from men. Their male imperative prevents them from giving useful advice. They say one thing and do another. Watch what they do and not what they say.

  • I didnt prove anything coz she didnt have a point. Its far from beneficial, because as strange as it sounds, men are not totally stupid. They are fully aware, that women would like to do it and nobody buys into it unless he is mentally challenged.
    Its important to ensure, that he works for you. You really think that you have that kind of power that you are going to ensure what an other human being does. Wow. Sounds intelligent.
    On a sidenote it doesnt weed anything out, since if a man wants to fuck, he is totally willing to run a few more laps to get it and he will, because you think he is doing it, because he is interested. And he is. For the moment.
    It is not frustrating at all. I saw you were discussing dating and shit, so i simply commented and shared my knowledge with the best intentions because the article is about why men lose interest, but none of you got it why we lose interest, so i explained it. But instead of seeing the jewel in what was said, you attack it, like omg there is a guy here. boohoooo. What is he doing here?
    These do not benefit men. When was the last time i asked any of you to benefit me?
    There is no insecurity here, i saw it, i read it, i shared my knowledge based on experience, after being with women from all walks of life in 20 different countries. And nobody is upset, unless you are and you sound like it. Make a few sarcastic remarks about a man you dont even know, just because he shared something he knows. That is childish behavior at best. Why are you surprised?
    See, my male imperative did not prevent me from shit. I told you the truth. How it works. And why they lose interest. Apparently you got the useful advice, but you cant admit that it came from the enemy, a man, so you start attacking him for no reason. Yes i did say teenager, because its true.
    Just look at what kind of behavior you show immediately when a man appears. I simply share what i know and you get all defensive, guard up telling me watch what i do not what i say. Well then watch what i do. i share what i know after fucking hundreds of women, so you can know it too. No other man will do this because they dont want you to know.
    Then Ash says the same: how men think is one thing how they act is another. You must have had some horrible experiences in the past, ladies. Lol. Immediately assuming, that the man is lying.
    I dont know maybe you are talking about your own man(if you have any), but what do i have to do with that??? I do what say and i say what i do because thats the way i was raised. I guess thats not the kind of man you are used to. What a pity.

    Anyway i prefer talking to grown women.

    Good day

    • It’s not that I think men are lying. I know they believe what they say, but often times what they think they are attracted to isn’t what they pursue. That could just be due to a lack of awareness, which is fairly common.

      Also, don’t come here and insult women as a gender by calling them teenagers and say they never grow up without thinking that someone will throw it back. You came here with that attitude first. You get what you give.

      I’d advise you to be a little more respectful if you continue to comment.

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