Women are often given dating advice whether they ask for it or not. Some of it is good, and some not so good. Although it may be well intentioned, some pieces of popular dating advice are just better left forgotten.
“Go for a guy with money and status.”
“Marry a doctor, lawyer, or a pro football player.”
There are parts of our society that tells us a mans income and status are the most important thing to look for, and it’s bull. This is how women get a reputation for being gold diggers.
Having a man with a good job and high income can be a nice plus, but it it shouldn’t be the main thing about him to pursue.
“Play hard to get.”
While it’s true that men are magnets to women that are more of a challenge to get to, why should a woman “play” this part if it’s going to be fake anyway? You shouldn’t have to force this. Let it be real if you want him to chase you.
Don’t play hard to get. BE hard to get.
“Sleep with the jerks, d-bags, bad boys to get them out of your system.”
I would love to have a serious talk with anyone who thinks this is good advice. (Yes you, Sheryl Sandberg.)
When you sleep with low value guys who don’t treat you well, you are directly rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an excuse to keep it up. Instead, they need more of an incentive to straighten up and act right.
Ignore guys who aren’t worth your time and starting choosing better.
“Follow your heart.”
So many people think this is good advice, but the mistake that many women make is that when they only follow their heart, they completely lose their head.
When you lose your head, all your rational thinking is gone and you will likely make some foolish choices.
Don’t allow your emotions to be your only guide. You can follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
“Marry in your early 20s…because your clock is ticking.”
Women are encouraged to lock a man down as early as possible, because supposedly at 30 she becomes a saggy old woman with dried up ovaries that no one wants.
This is false.
While aging is a real process, this lame advice is being used as a scare tactic and it’s quite exaggerated.
“Play dumb like a fox.”
This piece of advice is by far the most laughable.
This is when a woman is basically told to lower herself in order to cater to his ego.
“Pretend like you can’t open the jar of pickles or change your own tire, even if you can. It makes him feel masculine and needed!”
What a sad relationship that would be. No. A good man will appreciate a smart and self sufficient woman.
“Forget about him. He’s our of your league.”
Too many women will underestimate their attractiveness and dating market value, so they miss out on great guys.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve decided not to bother because I believed someone was too cute or too good for me, only to later find out that he felt the same way about me.
You’ll never know what could have been if you don’t give it a shot.
– Ash
Yep! Sounds like bad advice to me!
I would perhaps qualify “playing dumb,” with yes but don’t lord your vast intellectual superiority over him or insist on constantly declaring how educated you are. I see women do this sometimes and if it annoys me, it probably annoys men.
As to pickle jars and flat tires, while it’s good to be strong and independent, guys also appreciate being needed. That’s an art form, but you need to provide some concrete examples of why he’s important in your life. “Feelings” seldom resonate with guys, hence we hand them the pickle jar. However you figure out how to communicate that concept it’s like, I could live without you, I just would prefer not to because you do things for me that no one else can.
“That’s an art form, but you need to provide some concrete examples of why he’s important in your life.”
Yes, In any relationship, there will likely be instances in which she will truly need him, and it’s important that he knows he is needed in those ways.
My personal favorite is “Follow your heart”. The Jews were on to something, here: the Proverbs of Solomon says, “The heart is wicked and deceitful above all things.”
Following your heart is a great way to end up in trouble because we as humans often don’t know what we want. To live your life well and achieve your goals and dreams, you need to take time to stop, consider, think, and plan. If you just ‘follow your heart’, you’ll get nowhere and pick up a lot of regrets along the way.
Yes, exactly. Also, emotions are often fleeting. If I followed every feeling without thinking, I know I’d be in some big trouble.
You nailed it with all of these.
“Go for a guy with money and status.”
Dating a wealthy guy doesn’t ensure he’s a good guy. Believe me, there are just as many rich assholes you don’t want to be with as there are poor ones.
“Don’t play hard to get. BE hard to get.”
Best quote ever. Very tweetable.
“You can follow your heart, but take your brain with you.”
Another tweetable. On fire!
Dating a wealthy guy doesn’t ensure he’s a good guy. Believe me, there are just as many rich assholes you don’t want to be with as there are poor ones.
Indeed there are.
Yep. Some really terrible advice.
Any good advice? In an upcoming post?
Yes, there will be. 🙂
“When you sleep with low value guys who don’t treat you well, you are directly rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an excuse to keep it up. Instead, they need more of an incentive to straighten up and act right.”
This, exactly, this. Conversely, not sleeping with high value guys who would treat you right sends them into hiding so you cannot find them when you want them.
Also, stop valuing whether a guy is a good dancer or not. Any guy who can dance well enough to pay the mortgage already has a boyfriend.
“Conversely, not sleeping with high value guys who would treat you right sends them into hiding so you cannot find them when you want them.”
Definitely true. If we want men to treat us right, they have to know that kind of behavior is what we truly value and will be rewarded.