Why Some Men Are So Infatuated With Women “Hitting The Wall”

A young writer emailed me for advice about how to respond to an attack from a certain sphere of men. This  woman had written a series of articles about her dating life that were being heavily criticized.  She sent me links and screenshots of what was happening and being said by these men. One main theme that was running through the conversations was about what happens when women “hit the wall.”

In this context, for those of you who don’t know, “hitting the wall” refers to when a woman has reached a point in her life where she is no longer as attractive as she used to be, often due to aging or lifestyle choices. It is said to be around this same time when she realizes that she can no longer compete in the dating market with younger, more attractive women.

At least, this is what they try to have us believe.

The term is most used by men in the “manosphere,” red pill community, mras, incels, and mgtow.

The writer I was talking with started exploring the question of why these men seem so  rubbing this concept in the faces of women everywhere.

I was once again reminded of one man who has actually openly admitted to why this is.

Writer by the pen name of Kyle Trouble submitted an article to Return Of Kings back in 2014, titled Why Do We Root For Women To Hit The Wall?

To this part of the Internet though, The Wall is a badge of pride.  When we talk about the women who reject us, string us along, and hurt us to the point where we are forced to reflect upon ourselves, there seems to be a common phrase along the following lines dropped it response:

“Well, wait until SHE hits the wall.  She has it coming, the bitch.”

This phrase is nothing but a bitter mask to hide behind ourselves.  A way to brace for the rejection, embarrassment, and difficulties of having beautiful women in your life, whether it be a harem or a single long-term relationship.  Truthfully, it’s nothing but a self-defense mechanism, or hell, a wall, to protect ourselves and our masculinity.

He is describing a defense mechanism against experiences of rejection, and the “She has it coming” suggests that it’s a bit of a revenge fantasy as well.

A man’s masculine pride is heavily dependent upon how women respond to him. When they don’t receive the response they are looking for, their ego and need for validation takes a hit, and they go into defense mode.

He continues,

I understand, because I’ve been there, done that.  I’ve bashed girls I have dated, endlessly, and cackled manically as they gained weight and lost the sexiness that drew them to me in the first place.  I have no doubt this will become even more readily apparent as I begin to reach my prime during my 30’s as a male.  However, the endless bashing and laughing accomplished nothing for me other than a short-term band-aid, in which I could feel a little better about myself.

I realized it was nothing but a way to protect my fragile ego, because my own inner self and confidence couldn’t handle a woman treating me the way they sometimes did.  In a bitter state, such as after being screwed over by a girl, it’s easy to fill with rage and hope that you can channel that energy towards sending a woman head-on into The Wall.

You can’t.

That rage accomplishes nothing.

I appreciate Kyle’s honesty in this piece.

This confession explains a lot about the behavior of men after being faced with rejection from women.

Men have to deal with it more than women do. As women, we have an abundance of options at any given time, and even as we age. A woman of value can be of a certain age and still have a hot guy wanting to marry her yesterday.

Most men simply don’t have the options we have, so in order to cope, they create this idealistic narrative that says they are more valuable in the end than that woman who rejected him.

None of this an excuse for their attitude towards women, but it does allow us to understand where it’s coming from.

Sometimes you have to know when it’s more about them than it is about you.

– Ash Pariseau

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Comments 72

  • I’ve heard this a few times more as a scare tactic.

    “You better settle down now. You’ll soon be hitting the wall and no one will want you!”

    This has been going on since 2012.

    • “..This has been going on since 2012…”

      Lol – women hitting the wall has been going on since humans have existed and it’s completely true. Deny reality if you want, there’s a reason many women start getting desperate as they approach 30. There’s a reason why my high school class’s Homecoming etc. princess uses a 25 year old photo of herself for her profile pic on Facebook. No it’s not because of “the patriarchy”.

      • No one is denying that women age. The point is how the aging process is used against women in order to protect the fragile male ego.

        • Which ‘fragile male ego’? Young girls wanting to have sex with bad boys and models but when they get old suddenly guys who were invisable for them first now have to settle for them? Nope.

          • I’d just like to give my sincere two cents here. If I settle with an average man, and support him through his upward journey, once he reaches there, he’ll just leave me for someone younger or prettier. I’ll be left alone and betrayed. In that way, I’m just protecting myself from potential hurt.

            There are many women who do want the trad life and care about men. But when men say things like “you have no value once you’re older” or “all women are bad, not worth it”, etc….you just drive these women away too. This is all the more the reason why more of them will embrace feminism.

          • ‘f I settle with an average man, and support him through his upward journey, once he reaches there, he’ll just leave me for someone younger or prettier.’ That’s just not true, women initiate over 70% of divorces, it’s women who always want someone better, not men.

            “you have no value once you’re older” The thing is, many average men get ignored by average women because they all think they’re princesses and deserve a top 10% guy. But when that fails they use us as plan B or C. Men become bitter when they experience that.

    • No, it’s “you better settle down now, or the only men who will want you are lower value men you’re not attracted to”.

      Post wall women can get men. They just can’t get the men they really want, the ones they’re really attracted to. They have to settle, in most cases, very deeply, which causes them great frustration and unhappiness. I’ve seen this too many times to mention. Hundreds of times.

      • I believe that’s part of the revenge fantasy.

        Maybe it’s true for basic girls who don’t know how to stay hot past 25. They’ve probably had a kid or two which ruins your figure making it a thousand times harder to stay fit and good looking.

        My advice? eat right, work out, don’t smoke or do drugs, and do NOT have kids.

        Do that and you’re good to go.

      • Agree with the revenge fantasy comment. I’ll admit I’ve taken some satisfaction in attractive women who were not interested in me 30 years ago turn into women I am not interested in today. It’s less to do with age and more about overall fitness. Remember that old joke about a guy putting his sneakers not to outrun the bear chasing him and his buddy, but just to outrun his buddy? It’s that simple ladies, keep fit, keep active, make an effort to look nice. You’ll have our attention and this so called wall will never hit you.

  • >“You better settle down now. You’ll soon be hitting the wall and no one will want you!”

    >This has been going on since 2012.

    This has been going on (in cycles) since 40,000 BCE, or whenever patriarchy started. The only difference is that family members used to force women into marriage at much younger ages. Prior to the 1800s, childless women were often accused of witchcraft. Back in the 1800s, grandmothers would tell their granddaughters to get ready for marriage around mid-puberty.

    A key difference is that in the 1800s, a woman who didn’t marry and have kids was vulnerable to harassment from a wider community. In 21st century Western countries, it’s illegal to harass a childless woman for being childless.

    • Are people are being arrested for harassing women for not having kids?

      • They are now.

        Men are being arrested for being mean to women.

      • The wall is very real. Women are judged primarily on looks and fertility. There are
        some good looking older women but the wall always wins in the end. Look at the writer for sex and the city and how her life turned out if you need proof

        • By your logic “the wall always wins” for everyone. This isn’t something that should be used as a weapon to scare women into settling for shallow, manipulative, low value men while still in their 20s. I highly suspect it is being used that way.

          • It’s an odd choice of words saying this is a weapon used by men. It’s simply being clear to women that the older you get the less you get.
            As far as settling, studies show that at least 70% of women are chasing around 10% of men on dating apps. It’s not a case of settling it’s about being realistic. Seventy percent of women can’t get the top 10% of men.
            This is why so many women stay in the game so long until they hit the wall.
            Sure the top guys will sleep with a big chunk of women but they don’t value them enough to wife them. And why should they? Men are well aware women have lists they filter men with so know they are being targeted by women based on height, income etc. This is why women complain of being used for sex by men they want longer relationships with, they are having sex with men they think they can get but aren’t actually on the level these men would take seriously.
            The fact is many women on dating apps falsely think they are more attractive to men than they actually are as they get lots of messages. You actually see videos of very unattractive heavy women talking about how choosy they are online, when the penny hasn’t dropped that the attention they are getting is just guys looking for sex. Based on men’s notions that less attractive women are easier.
            As for men’s egos being fragile? Average men get rejected online by over 70% of women, so frequently it has zero effect as men view dating as a numbers game. Which is another reason women get so many messages.
            The wall or rather loss of dating value for men is only an issue for those women who spend so long on the market they exhausted their options which they should have taken. It’s a single woman’s problem and to expect sympathy from the majority of men they have rejected chasing what was for her the unobtainable top 10% of men ignores basic human nature.
            The game flips when women hit the wall and men hit their prime.

  • Dear Ash and Friends, Return of Kings??? And women are solipsists?

  • “Men have to deal with it more than women do. As women, we have an abundance of options at any given time, and even as we age. A woman of value can be of a certain age and still have a hot guy wanting to marry her yesterday.

    Most men simply don’t have the options we have, so in order to cope, they create this idealistic narrative that says they are more valuable in the end than that woman who rejected him.”

    Can this be clarified further please? I would like to know the roots of this line of reasoning. Thank you.
    I would say that there are 50% women and 50% men in society so as far as it comes to options, those are equal. If that is what you mean with options at least.

    • There are close to an equal number of men and women in society, but there are are generally more men actively seeking the opportunity to date women than there are women to men.

      This is especially evident today in online dating.

      Have you heard about the Tinder and OkCupid experiments?

      http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/

      Attractive women get way more messages and matches than average and below average looking women.

      However, attractive looking women, average looking women, and below average looking women ALL still get more messages and matches than men of the same attractiveness level.

      • I personally do not subscribe to such dating strategy. I am aware of the attention women are getting online. Also that they get much more attention than men, and that men are the primary group giving attention to women. Its a double edged sword. Many women are basing their value on social media likes and followers. It has a very negative effect on the self esteem of many women. A lot of women on Tinder are on there just to see how much guys are interested in them. They use it as a self esteem boost.

        I am the type of guy that prefers to approach women that I am already acquainted with. This equals the playing field.

      • I think you’re giving messages sent by males and females equal footing. Men are probably far more likely to flood the inboxes of several dozen women at once in order to play the percentages . Remember men are more visual creatures and an attractive face and body will illicit a response even with a deficit in other personality traits. Women on the other hand while impressed with appearance look at a myriad of other factors before writing a response., if they even get to that point as their inboxes are already flooded. In short, I’d argue men are looking short term relationships and sex with their responses while women look at ever response as a gateway to something long term. It’s a broad generalization for sure but I’d argue messages sent and received is the wrong metric to look at.

  • A bit of historical perspective, although not a precise fit.

    In June 1986, Time Magazine published an article about women “hitting the wall,” although that’s not the term they used. https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/06/more-likely-to-be-killed-by-a-terrorist-than-to-get-married/485171/

    I would break up with my girlfriend 6 months later for reasons having nothing to do with the article. But, when I started dating again, I can vouch for article’s effects. As a 31 yr old college educated male with a solid career, average looks, reasonable social skills and decent taste in clothes, I went from having to really work to meet women and find dates to a commodity. Women I barely knew were calling me.

    Between things like dating apps and social media, you can know about rejection in almost real time. It also allows one to be rejected by a larger number of people. In my day, rejection was more personal. After I broke up with my girlfriend, I put an ad in the “Males Seeking Females” section of the “Seattle Weekly.” I got four responses and went out with two of them. I have no idea of how many people read my ad but I doubt it was more than a few hundred at most. It might only have been a few dozen. How many people are on dating apps?

    Schadenfreude is pretty common, but doesn’t make it right.

  • Harsh reality is the men are attracted to fertility rather than anything else in woman.
    Unfortunately, fertility drops very rapidly as women age.
    Statistical data is very clear, men like young girls much more than older, no matter the age of the men.
    Boy would not like to be with a girl who doesn’t look pretty the same way the girl would not like to be with a boy who is a looser.

    • It’s biology, I never understood why women can’t comprehend this.
      When I was 25 years old I was unemployed, didn’t have any social skills and lived off wellfare. Of course my dating life wasn’t great. I understood that.

  • Nice article. Well done.

    But the part when you say..men don’t have as many choices as women.. Is that a joke or a typo?

    I can’t recall any time in my life when I didn’t have an abundance of choices, very good looking women.

    • Thank you for the comment. In general, most men don’t have as many interested options for dating as most women do.

      • Sure women may have dating advantages, but its men that tend to be the decision makers for committed relationships and marriage proposals.

      • This depends on how you are “keeping score.”

        Kevin Samuels said it best (although I imagine you would call him “red pilled”) “Women control access to sex and fertility and men control access to relationships.

        He claims that, if you judge things based on marriages (and not sexual interest, social media likes, dates, etc.) then high value men tend to be doing much better than women. In the black community, I believe only around 25% of black American women are married.

        Sure, women can have casual sex and get attention more than men. But when it comes to marriage, proposals, and legit commitment then I imagine the numbers drop; especially for women who are passed child bearing years, single mothers, etc.

        • You must not be that smart if you have fallen for Kevin Samuel’s propaganda

          “He claims that, if you judge things based on marriages (and not sexual interest, social media likes, dates, etc.) then high value men tend to be doing much better than women. In the black community, I believe only around 25% of black American women are married.”

          According to https://blackdemographics.com/households/marriage-in-black-america/,
          27 percent of black women are married and 33 percent of black men ar married. That is not a very significant difference. Also, men die earlier than women, so a lot fo women are widows.

          Also what metrics are you judging marriage by to claim that “HVM” are doing better?

          • You must “not be that smart” if you didn’t read the entire page you quoted from.
            1. Over 465,000 more black men than women are married.
            2. You quoted that 33% of black men were married and 27% of women were married. However of those 33% of black men 15% are married to non black women.

            So not only are more men black men married than black women in real terms, proportionally more men than women are married as there are more women than men.

            You statement about 33% not being statistically significantly different is also false as 6% difference at the population level is.

            Black men are also more likely to be married than white men.

            Complain about Kevin Samuels all you like however the facts are there. Black women are not in demand from other races and a huge chunk of black men are marrying out.

            You also have no data to prove that the top 10% of black men are doing worse in marriage.

            Black women are doing significantly worse than black men.

  • It was my impression that “the wall” didn’t refer to women suddenly losing their looks or personality, but that after years of frivolous relationships, their time was up if they wanted to find an acceptable guy, have a normal 2 year courtship, get married, enjoy a couple years before having kids, and then still have 2.3 kids before her chance of defective kids or infertility got too high. I always thought “the wall” was a deadline, kind of synonymous with “baby rabies”, where women went from knowingly having sex with players, to suddenly seeking a marriage minded man, and realizing she had wasted too much time and now will likely have to compromise on the man she actually will marry.

    Which then leads her to resent him for being less than what she had dreamed of, or had sex with in the past, and so she treats her husband like crap, and then after she has the kids in school she divorces him because she is a selfish whore who lacks moral character, and couldn’t care less how divorce affects kids. Her life was always and will always be just about her own self-centered feelings, which she failed to ever learn to control. She could have chosen to be happy, but instead Feminism tells her to imagine herself a victim, and entitled to hurt everyone around her for it.
    And yes many men would probably like to see those same selfish whores suffer for their selfish arrogance. However, if they were also having illicit sex with similar whores then they are hypocrites.

    Since women came to believe they are equal, they are really not good help anymore.

  • The wall is real and women know it. Why else do over 30 women layer on tons of make up, inject Botox in their lips and forehead and are the biggest customers of cosmetic surgery?

    All women know that their value is based on their looks and they value youth Beauty and fertility. Why do you see so many women on Instagram seeking attention and validation by the way they look. Yes you can shame men for this type of behavior but at the end of the day a woman’s value decreases and she gets older and a man’s value increases as he gets older.

    A 50 year old man who has his act together can marry a 25 year old woman to start a family a 50-year-old woman cannot marry and date 25 year old man and start a family it just doesn’t happen sorry ladies this is evolution and its reality.

    • How many 25 year old women are going to actually want a 50 year old man? Most are going to be more interested in his son.

      • Depends on what your son has to offer. He is right, what does a woman have to offer vs what a man has to offer at 50? A man is still going to have his looks at 50, plus his success. Take poon off the table and women bring nothing to the negotiation.

        • If the son is loyal, respectful, supportive, and looks good then he’ll be more valuable to a relationship minded woman.

          Most 50 year old men still look better at 25. Even George Clooney himself can’t compare to his ER and Roseanne days.

      • ? The point of ‘the wall’ isn’t that old men still get young women. Men age too. The point is that women can’t have such high standards anymore, they have to settle for less than what they wish for. THAT is the wall.

  • Women are delusional. My mom is one of those I don’t need a man types. She is now alone with her cat, angry and bitter. No one wants to be around her. Meanwhile, dad is happy and living it up.

    What Mother Nature gives, Father Time will take away. Father Time is much nicer to us men.

    I’m investing in pet companies. Mega boom coming soon.

    Peace!

    • It’s important for women to understand the difference between NEEDING a man and DESIRING a man.

      Needing a man can be dangerous territory. I used to think that way and it turned into codependency without lots of clingy behavior. It turned men off.
      Now, I have a man and I know my life is better with him in it. If he ever decided to walk away, I’d be bummed for sure, but I know I’d live and still be able to be a happy and functional human being.

  • The wall is real no matter how much ideology you cook up to justify your poor life choices. As a 35yr old man with good looks, a strong body, a great income and a happy/healthy life I’m looking for a 18-30 yr old. I don’t even look at women over 30. They simply cannot compete with a younger woman for my attention or intentions no matter how good she looks or how much she tries. Her fertility window has closed and all she can offer me is her companionship and sex. Fun for a week or two to cure boredom, but that’s simply not good enough when a new crop of women turn 18 every year. You can blame the “patriarchy” till the cows come home, but if you are a woman and want to be married, do it before 30. Or don’t and settle for less or loneliness. It’s not a scare tactic at all. It’s a PSA. Men want wives and mothers for their children. Not whatever you think you are. My own sisters thought like you did, both are miserable today and say they wish they listened when they were younger. Both are single mothers now and can only attract low value men. As their brother, at similar age, my options are limitless in comparison and they resent me for it. So pay attention ladies… if you want to be with a man but don’t listen to what men want how do you expect to succeed with men? Truth be told, yes men enjoy watching women hit the wall, because it’s karma for the way those women treated men in their 20s but it’s not a revenge fantasy at all. It’s a very real tragedy. While I enjoy seeing women who have wronged me or who are misandrists trainwreck their lives, I also feel terrible for women who didn’t know better. You have no idea the sad dead looks in women eyes I see when they look at me with a 23yr old on my arm while they are dragging their beta through the mall or picking up another box of wine and cat litter on their own. It doesn’t boost my ego to know they wish they could have made better choices, it’s just sad to see them reap what they sowed. Articles and authors like this have ruined my sisters and those women lives. Feminism is cancer and it hurts women the most, but men are having the last laugh because as it turns out… Subjective reality does not trump objective reality. Some things just are no matter how they make you feel or how incongruent they are with your favourite nihilistic ideology. The true justice of feminism is that it will be a great Darwinian filter guaranteeing it’s failure to perpetuate into future generations. Look at Western birth rates and tell me feminism will be with us for much longer.

    • ‘if you want to be with a man but don’t listen to what men want how do you expect to succeed with men?’ Problem is that women don’t tend to think about how they will age in the future, they are living it up and think there will always be a perfect guy for them. Their beauty makes them arrogant, while most men who have average looks always have been used to do a lot of effort, they’re more rational about it.

    • Feminism has failed and it was such a predictable outcome. Now we have to watch what we say before we hurt the princess’s feelings. So much for that “strength and independence” that was preached to you.

    • I don’t argue against advising women to find a long term partner (husband). But I do want to put emphasis on the type of men women are allowing into their lives. It’s extremely important to me that women (and men too) educate themselves on personality and human psychology. It’s important to understand who you are and who you are dealing with. Failing to do so is how people end up in terrible relationships.
      Simply saying “Marry by 30” completely ignores the whole concept of WHO one marries. The “who” is the part I encourage women to focus on.

    • ”I don’t even look at women over 30. ”

      ”Her fertility window has closed and all she can offer me is her companionship and sex. ”

      Who told you that 30+ year olds are too old to have children?

      The menopause usually occurs between 45 and 55 years of age.

      There are lots of women who had healthy babies in their 30’s and beyond.

  • In order to protect their fragile egos, men use “The Wall” as a defense mechanism.

    Isn’t it equally a defense mechanism to disregard the concept of “The Wall” though? Surely, ‘The Wall’ has nothing but negative connotations. It’s a harsh concept, but we’re kidding ourselves if we say it doesn’t exist.

    The lack of acknowledgement merely because it comes from a group of people that are on the defensive for the own personal shortcomings doesn’t negate the decline that all women face in the relationship world.

    • I don’t think this is about denying the concept of the wall and whether or not it exists as much at this is about understanding WHY the concept is being used as a weapon to intimidate women in particular.

  • Women are biologically attracted to a strong, confident man that they feel can provide them safety and shelter. No one has any issue with that.

    Men are biologically attracted to women that are suited for bearing children and continuing the family lineage. Apparently this is completely out of line.

    This article is so sexist and one-sided, I almost assume it’s a satire.

  • Kinda hilarious how women deny the wall exists.
    Women when they’re young: have sex with who they want.
    Men when young: have sex with who they can.

    Women love this game.

    Women when older: marry who they can
    Men: marry who they want.

    Women hate this game.

    Too bad women can’t feel what it is to be a young guy and become older, I was quite invisable for girls when I was 16-25. Now that I’m 30 suddenly I get a lot of attention but not from the ones I want.

  • My candle burns at both ends;
    It will not last the night;
    But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
    It gives a lovely light!

    – Figs from Thistles

  • 99% of men and 99% of women are dumb animals. Fact.

  • lol in china the wall is 27

  • It’s not a matter of bitterness, it’s a matter of fact. The species aims to propagate and so both sexes select mates based on the other person’s ability to have healthy children. For women, this means choosing men who can protect and provide for their children – those men who are stronger and wealthier. For men, this means choosing women who are more likely to give birth to healthy children – those women who are more youthful. This is why men most desire women who are between the ages 18 to 23, and why women desire older men who are more established and have a secure means to provide. Men don’t peak until we’re 45 to 50.

    The great thing about being older when you’re a guy is how the power balance shifts. In our early 20s, we get ignored and passed over. In our late 20s we get to choose who we want.

    Case in point, when I was 28 I dated a woman who was 26. She had a crappy attitude. All the while we were dating I knew I could get a woman who was younger, nicer, and a lot better looking. And I did. Because I could. The next one was 23. I picked who I wanted. It was great.

    And we don’t “laugh at women who hit the wall.” We only laugh at the ones who were too narcissistic to treated us like human beings, and whose crappy attitudes have doomed them to a life of cats and bitterness and asking, “Where have all the good men gone?”.

  • In India, China, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal (East and SE Asia) the wall is actually 25-27. with the agerage age for marriging for women being 22 and 25 for India and China respectively. And the concept of The Wall has existed ever since humanity itself, it’s a biological fact that women are their most fertile during their early 20s, and depending on her diet, exercise, and genetics gradually loses fertility until around age 35 where pregnancy is termed geriatric (high risk), and at menopause ceases completely. A man on the other hand can theoretically reproduce beyond 60 until and unless he’s suffering from some erectile dysfunction or low sperm mobility or count, in those cases also, it can be fixed.

    There is no set age at which a woman hits the wall, but as mentioned earlier, it depends on her diet, exercise, and genetics. Another thing also that many have missed here is compitition. Every day a woman turns 18, So basically the wall is the age at which she’s not longer able to compete.

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