In the last few years, I have learned a lot about what’s going on in the minds of fellow Millennial women. I’ve worked side by side with them in person and they’ve confided in me about things they are dealing with, and so have the women in my circle of family and friends. Other women my age and a few years younger seem to naturally seek my advice. I suppose it’s obvious that I’ve got it together. I don’t think I’m anyone special, but I’ve picked up on a thing or two.
I’ve also learned a lot from observing what they talk about online via social media, forums, and from my experience blogging and contributing to content sites.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what struggles young adult women today are dealing with when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships. One thing that is prevalent in this generation of women is our awareness of male behavior and our openness and honesty in calling out the situations in which we are unsatisfied with.
Tracking back through my observations, I thought I would create an outline for the most common complaints I have heard from women of this particular age group.
Complaints With Dating…
Ghosting (aka pulling a Houdini, the disappearing act).
“Almost relationships,” which are defined by developing a promising romantic connection with someone only to have it fizzle out for some known or unknown reason.
He’s giving mixed signals/blowing hot and cold.
There are no more good guys anymore. There are too many jerks, assholes, fuckboys, etc.
Netflix and chill. He insists mostly on “hanging out” and hooking up, but she wants to go on real dates.
She starts feeling like she’s chasing him and wants him to chase her instead.
She’s a good woman/nice girl, but guys are ignoring her.
Online dating: Finding a decent guy in a sea of creeps trying to send dick pics and get nudes.
She seems to care more about him than he cares about her.
He doesn’t express his emotions enough.
There’s a lot of miscommunication.
She doesn’t feel like he respects/appreciates her.
He behaves jealously.
She’s think he’s untrustworthy.
He doesn’t do enough housework.
He doesn’t put in enough effort.
She thought having sex would bring him closer to her, but it didn’t.
She doesn’t want to have sex, but she’s afraid of coming off like a bitch.
She wants to sleep with him, but doesn’t want him to think she’s a slut.
She’s no longer happy with being FWB, but she’s afraid he won’t commit.
She is unsure about how to deal with sexual harassment or sexual assault.
There could easily be more added here, but I’d say these are among the most common ordeals I have heard repeatedly from young women today.
What can we notice here? Any trends of patterns?
When we look at the topics on the list, the one thing they all having in common is that each problem can be avoided completely. However, if women should already find themselves in situations like these, they can then change how they respond in a way that makes the outcome more favorable. Still, the main goal is to avoid getting into them in the first place.
That is exactly what I plan to discuss in future posts on this blog.
I would like for women to know they have two options: They can continue being unsatisfied, frustrated, doormats who are always chasing, or they can become happy, respected women who maintain thriving relationships with men.
It’s time to stop complaining and start problem solving instead.
First thing I noticed from your list, is that a good amount of them are similar to how some men feel about women.
The next thing I observed is that maybe the issue is the woman’s ‘picker’ and they just keep on picking the wrong type of guy. Guys make that same mistake, an awful lot!
Have you read any of Mark Manson’s stuff? In particular:
Ignore what the link insinuates, and read the article.
Thanks for that link. I read the post and it’s very good. I think I’ve stumbled on his blog before, actually. And I agree about women picking the wrong type of guy, especially when the red flags are all right there and after they realize he’s not the guy she hoped he’d be, she tries to change him. I wish women would do more of what I call “filtering.” There will be posts on that.
Agreed that this list has quite a few points that men find compaint-worthy in women.
The ghosting is definitely something women do. Maybe men are taking their cues from women and giving back such bad behavior to them. What’s good for the goose….as the saying goes.
Trust me, if any of the guys read those compaints and then try to “fix” them, the womyn’s will be turned off.
“He doesn’t express his emotions enough.”
So guy starts emoting.
Cue new complaint: “Guys are so effeminate”.
Sexbots and legalized prostitution can’t come soon enough.
Welcome Tobie and thank you for your comment.
Yes women can be and in many cases are guilty of a lot of these same behaviors. It’s tough for anyone to really know whether men or women were acting this way first.
How many women do we see complaining about guys who aren’t expressing their emotions vs how many we see complaining about guys being effeminate?
Guys do make similar mistakes..
THEN, GO MGTOW
They are picking the wrong women
As long as you remember it goes both ways. Guys should be filtering as well, and not just settling either.
What’s funny to me is that a lot of people will obsess about unimportant stuff, but then miss the big and important red flags.
I just now saw your comment, it went into the spam folder for some reason. Anyway, yes I definitely agree. Both men and women should filter for what they are looking for.
“What’s funny to me is that a lot of people will obsess about unimportant stuff, but then miss the big and important red flags.”
True. Some women are obsessed about what the guy does for a living, but they don’t put as much value on his attitude or behavior. Then they wonder how they ended up with yet another asshole. And it’s not always about raising or lowering standards in such a linear way. It’s more about prioritizing what matters most to you about someone in the long run. No one is perfect, but I think many people still do a poor job at filtering based on what they really want.
Wow. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with all of these in being the most relevant complaints among the Gen Y crowd of women.
I’m starting to wonder how many of these were also issues with women of older generations and which ones are new? I’ve gotten a couple of tweets that link to this that suggest many are the same.
Well, take it from a baby boomer, things really have not changed much from one generation to the next.
The advantage for the younger generations is that they have options that were not as readily available to my generation.
I think the main thing that has changed is technology, which has altered the way we communicate with each other. Otherwise, it seems that desires, impulses, and actions haven’t changed as much.
I’m interested to read your series on this!
She, she, she…I wonder where the problem is.
Realist, the problem with many of these is in the woman’s failure to set and enforce firm boundaries with the men they encounter. That and the failure to filter out the no-goods from the beginning.
“”There are no more good guys anymore. There are too many jerks, assholes, fuckboys, etc.
Netflix and chill. He insists mostly on “hanging out” and hooking up, but she wants to go on real dates.””
Here’s the deal. Men do what we are rewarded for doing. If females reward nice guys with dates and affection, then men will respond with nice guy behavior. But as it stands only the assholes and jerks get the girls. So that’s what we do. Stop fucking assholes and guess what. You will get nice guys to chase you.
The assholes and jerks may be able to get laid, but are these relationships lasting? And what quality women are we talking about when we know they are allowing themselves to be treated the way jerks will treat them?
Assholes and jerks don’t want relationships. They want sex. If your friends are really interested in relationships, they need to stop opening their legs for the Jerkboys. Jerkboys are into pump and dump not long term relationships.
Your friends all think that they are gonna be the ones that capture the charming jerkboy and finally get him to commit. Not gonna happen. Every one of these friends has at least five nice guy orbiters that they have friendzoned. Those guys want a relationship. Give one of them a shot.
Agreed. If jerks weren’t able to get laid, they’d shape up pretty quick.
If women want “nice guys” and “good men”, then they are going to have to start approaching, dating, having sex with, and marrying those “nice guys” and “good men”.
And you women do not do that. You instead chase bad boys, fuckboys, assholes and jerks, rewarding them with sex and attention, and ignoring so-called “nice guys” and “good men”.
This is on YOU women . YOU are the problem here.
If you want nice guys and good men, then you have to reward them with what they want. You have to incentivize them.
I guess I learned this early on since the bad boys, jerks, asshole, and fuckboys were never attractive to me.
It’s so much better to be in a relationship with them instead of chasing the jerks.
I think another thing that’s going on is some women see the self proclaimed nice guys freaking out if they aren’t rewarded for their good behavior. These aren’t nice guys. They are a wolf in sheeps clothing.
Good men know that it’s possible to be rejected regardless of being good. They don’t come to expect to be rewarded, but they do appreciate when the right woman sees him for the good that he is.
Even if you are a genuine guy thats nice, like naturaly nice. Guys that are nice just want their date to be happy and have a good time. If the’re allowed to get that far… so I hang out with this girl here and there for a while, driving around at night talking till midnight in my car. Thought she was having a good time? We’re engaging in conversation which normally I struggle with and getting along nicely. Finds out I can weld and asks if I can fix the fire place. Sure I can do that. (They did pay me) After a month of us talking here and there, I ask if she wants to go out and do something, a movie , dinner or a simple drink. Her excuse is I have a phobia about leaving the house. I say ok my mom went through that(agoraphobia) I know what thats like. Maybe sometime when your up to it I say, we dont even have to leave your house. Id like to help you get out a little more. She mentioned trying to work on that. I kissed her on the cheek good bye after a nice night. She texted me saying sorry I don’t feel like that about you sorry if thats the message I sent. So I ask for the reason why. (im super sick of this out come, I just want answers so I can fix it.) She says she just can’t date now and that my looks aren’t the issue. So many many girls have said im not looking or ready for a relationship or the infamous “lets just be friends”.I know it’s because Im naturally a little too nice,and she had no attraction to me even though they deny that looks have anything to do with it.( super obvious like it is with most girls after they decline to date you.) They wanted the guy before you sooo badly but he didnt work out…so there not available. Literally the next guy that came along and she found attractive. Knew him all of a week…( I grew up with this girl all throughout school )leaves home and moves in with him. And looks have nothing to do with it… Bet he was a good looking asshole though. She only replied to me maybe an hour later if I texted her. never did she start a conversation. She never talks to me so I just let it be. Like so many times before. After experiencing this several times over and over I realize women ( not all) just want their needs met by some good looking guy and its easy for most of them. Just wait around and reject anyone not even remotely good looking or weathly. And some girls might say..well all they want is sex….at least you can have such an interaction. I wish my problem was they only wanna hook up. Or want a relationship. I wouldn’t be so alone in thoes aspects of life. I’ve met plenty of girls I would have liked to have a relationship with. Problem is im not a single thought during their day. You can tell when someone knows you exist, even though you have left their visual or audio fields. Girls don’t give guys any chance. There were girls I wasn’t completely attracted to but I still gave them a shot and took them out. I ended up really liking one of the girls I decided to say yes to, even though I wasn’t 100% interested. Unfortunately. She was murdered 3 years later. A real diamond in the rough. We had a great 3 years together. If I had said no..”shes to big…not quite attractive enough.” I would have missed out on one of the most intelligent and unique human beings id ever get to meet. One who actually saw me for me. But now shes gone.
I’m sorry all that has happened to you. And I agree with you that looks do matter to women. Truth is, if she isn’t attracted to you then it can’t be forced. I hear you say that you’re tired of this outcome, and I totally get it. So, what do you feel ready to do to change this outcome?