First Date Nerves: 3 Reminders For Shaking Them Off

If you are anything like most women, then you probably get nervous before your first date with a new guy. You might become nearly obsessive about what to wear and what to say. This is completely normal. In the past, I used to get really shy and high strung around guys I liked the most. On dates, my voice would shake and I’d say silly things that my real self would never say. I’ve even rescheduled a date because I felt so anxious about it.

It took a while to build up my confidence but looking back now, there are a few important key ideas that I wish I would have known back then. If I had understood these things, I definitely wouldn’t have been so nervous and timid.

He already likes you.

Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect because if he’s going out with you then guess what – he already likes you. Most guys don’t go out on dates with women they don’t like. If he has agreed to a date, then he thinks you are attractive and cool enough for him to spend time with, so try to relax and take joy in the fact that he agreed to take you on a date.

He’s probably more nervous than you are.

If you evaluate closely enough, it will likely be evident even though most guys do their best to hide it. There is more pressure on him than there is on you to be cool, confident, and attractive. Men generally focus carefully on this, and they are afraid they might screw it up by saying something stupid or doing something wrong. They’re human too and if anything, the guy you’re with just hopes you think he’s good enough for you.

The first date is HIS interview, not yours.

It’s part of man’s nature to be the ones to qualify themselves to a woman when things are new, so he’s more likely going to be focused on doing that rather than judging you anyway. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make an effort to leave a good impression, but keep in mind that dating tends to have its own natural flow. During the first date, your business is to listen and watch. You’ll eventually notice that just about every guy has a sales pitch. It’s your job is to figure out what that is. Is he trying to impress you or is he giving low effort because he thinks he’s already won you?

If you would like more help with this or another dating and relationship challenge, I am accepting new clients for 1:1 consulting. For more info, check out the consulting tab up in the main menu bar and from there, you can fill out the application to get started working with me privately.

Until next time,

Ash Pariseau


  1. I don’t remember my ex-girlfriend being nervous on our first date, or any of them, for that matter. After we met on a blind date, the first date I remember with her was when she took me to lunch on my birthday. I only saw her nervous in my presence once and that was after I dropped the dime on her that she was on her way out.

    My wife on the other hand, was really nervous on our first date. And, the second, And, the third. She broke two dates with me because she said that she was so nervous around me.

    Oddly, so was her mother when I was introduced to her. I later asked my mother-in-law about it and she said by the time we met, my wife had made me out to be larger than life. Fooled her…

    On our first date, I took my wife to a Mexican restaurant. She was so nervous, she dumped the bowl of salsa on herself.

    On a later date, I took her to meet my two best friends, a married couple. She ordered a salad with Bleu Cheese dressing on the side. The gave her a pretty good size container of it.

    She said, “I wonder why they give you so much?” and proceeded to dump a spoonful of salad dressing straight into her lap, missing the plate entirely.

    Without missing a beat, I came back with, “So you can wear what you don’t eat.” My friends loved her and so do I.

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