The best way to stay ordinary is to listen to ordinary people. They might think they’re helping you, but often their advice is just a way to keep you from rising above. They might say, “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” but what they really mean is, “I don’t want you to succeed and make me feel small.”
Who Should You Listen To?
Take advice only from those who walk the walk. And here’s the cold hard reality: Good advice usually goes against the grain. When you follow the crowd, you’re setting yourself up to fail. I see this all the time on social media. Whenever I give contrarian advice, a bunch of know-nothings chime in to tell me how I’m wrong and part of the collapse of western society blahblahblah. These know-nothings are all over the place giving advice to see women fail. They try to give me their unsolicited advice too just about every day. “Be a good girl and do as you’re told, and you’ll get a man someday.” Well, already got a man and I didn’t find him listening to that shit advice. Some women might listen, thank them and move on, none the wiser. But I decided I was tired of failing taking bad advice from fools.
If you want real advice that works, listen to the lone wolf who stands apart from the crowd. If everyone says to do “A,” you should seriously consider doing “B.”
The Price of Unpopular Advice
When you take advice that goes against the norm, you become a target. Friends and family might mock you, question you, and try to get you to conform. You’ve got two choices:
- Tuck your tail between your legs and give in
- Become unbreakable
Lindsey the Lamb chooses the first option. Winner Wolf chooses the second and becomes unbreakable. The opinions of lesser minds mean nothing to the unbreakable.
What Does It Mean to Be Unbreakable?
Being unbreakable means building a protective shell around your emotions. You’ve got your plan, and it’s your job to stick to it. Your mom, dad, best friend from 5th grade—they don’t get it. When you spill your guts to them, they’ll try to talk you out of it because they don’t understand your vision. The breakable will listen and cave in. The unbreakable won’t even hear it.
Success requires a plan on your terms. To follow through, you need to be unbreakable. Develop a shell that lets nonsense bounce off. When they shout their opinions, let it slide. When they ridicule you, laugh it off. Don’t even pretend to listen.
Rise Above the Noise
Remember, they are where they are because they followed foolish advice. If you want to be like them, listen to them and become forgettable. If you want more, ignore them.
Building a Strong and Confident Mindset
A reader once asked me how to deal with her inferiority complex. Here’s what you do: develop a strong and confident mindset by becoming better. Don’t just think you’re better—be better. The idea that everyone is equal in all ways is cute but not realistic. Some people are good, some are toxic… some are strong and confident, some are weak and insecure.
Here’s a snippet from a reader’s letter that nails this issue:
Ash,
Reading your articles is a breath of fresh air. I was driven insane by thoughts of worthlessness and depression, but your content helps. I go to an Ivy League university, and seeing so many intelligent people intimidates me. I know I’ll never be as good of an entrepreneur as some of these other women. And I don’t think I’ll ever marry a top tier high value man like many of them will. My success comes in softer subjects and life. I lead my life with pride and purpose, yet I often feel inferior to others. I have to overcome this. I need to wake up knowing I’m no lesser than anyone. How do I forget my past mistakes and move on?
Thanks so much,
Samantha
Samantha, if you truly want to overcome this inferiority complex, you need to be busy building, growing, or evolving. If you feel lesser than, there’s one thing you can do: become better.
The Rule to Follow
Accept what you cannot change and fix what you can. Then, become unbreakable. If it can’t be changed, don’t cry about it. If it can be changed and it’s eating at your soul, work on it day and night until you’re better.
In today’s world, being a strong and confident woman can sometimes draw criticism. Some parts of our society still has a tendency to cut down women who assert themselves, labeling them as “bitchy” or “feminazis.” When you’re focused and driven, people might try to undermine your confidence. They might call you names or claim that you’re too aggressive. Fine. Let them think what they want.
Stay true to yourself and your goals. When you know your worth and stand firm in your beliefs, their words can’t hurt you. Remember, those who try to bring you down are often threatened by your strength. They’d rather you stay “normal” and “compliant” because it makes them feel comfortable.
Being a confident, assertive woman isn’t a flaw—it’s a strength. Don’t let the noise of others’ insecurities affect your self worth. Keep pushing forward, stay focused on your path, and remain unbreakable.
When I observe people, I usually feel one of two things:
- Disappointment
- Curiosity
When I see toxic personalities, I feel disappointment. When I see healthy, happy and successful people, I get curious. I want to know what they do, how they did it, and what I can learn from them.
When you look for advice, guess who you should go to?
Strong and confident or weak and insecure—choose one, because there’s no in-between.
Until next time,
Ash Pariseau
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