Love or Luxury? The Price of Dating a High Earner

Who doesn’t get a little starry eyed at the thought of dating someone who can whisk you away on spontaneous weekend getaways, shower you with lavish gifts, and ensure that the finest things in life are just a reservation away? The allure of dating a high earner is as old as time, or at least as old as the concept of money. It’s a tempting vision, filled with luxury and ease, but are we forgetting to read the fine print in this seemingly perfect arrangement?

When Instagram feeds and reality TV often paint an effortless picture of affluent dating, it’s easy to get swept up in the fantasy. The idea of a high value man who not only takes care of all your needs but does so with the flair of a Hollywood movie can be irresistibly appealing. But let’s not put on our rose colored glasses just yet. Behind the glamour and opulence, there’s a less discussed, far more realistic aspect of dating someone who’s wallet is as thick as their planner – their availability, or the lack thereof.

The Dream of Dating a High Value Man

So, what’s the big draw of dating someone with a hefty bank balance? Well, the perks are pretty obvious. We’re talking about financial security, which for many is the big ticket item. No more fretting over bills or rent since dating a high earner often means those concerns take a backseat. It’s the kind of stability that can feel like a breath of fresh air in an economy where financial worries are at an all time high.

Then there are the luxurious experiences,  the kind that most people only get a glimpse of in movies or through the glossy pages of high end magazines. Think spontaneous trips to exotic locales, dining at restaurants with unpronounceable names, and gifts that come in small boxes but carry big price tags. It’s a fantasy that’s not just about enjoying the finer things in life –  it’s about stepping into a world where these experiences are the norm, not the exception.

And let’s not forget the social status that often comes hand-in-hand with dating someone loaded. There’s a certain prestige attached to being the partner of a high value man. It can feel like you’ve been admitted into an exclusive club, one where VIP is the standard and red carpets are more common than welcome mats. It’s more than just enjoying the material benefits. There’s  a connection with how this relationship elevates your social standing.

In the dream world of dating a high earner, life seems like an endless stream of highlights and high ends. But as with most things that seem too good to be true, there’s another side to this story,  a side that’s less about champagne wishes and caviar dreams and more about what you’re potentially giving up for this lifestyle.

The Reality Check in Time vs. Money

Higher earnings typically mean more hours clocked in at work. This isn’t just a 9-to-5 gig we’re talking about. It’s late nights, early mornings, and even weekends sometimes getting hijacked by work commitments. The harsh truth? When you’re dating someone who’s raking in the big bucks, their most scarce resource isn’t money – it’s time.

Take a look at any high flying CEO or top notch lawyer. Their calendars are jam packed. We see this all the time in movies and TV shows, the workaholic who’s always on their phone, in meetings, or hopping on a plane for the next big deal. It’s not just a Hollywood trope. It’s pretty close to reality for high earners. These people often have demanding schedules that leave little room for spontaneous romantic dinners or lazy weekend getaways.

And it’s not only the quantity of time they have available, but it’s the quality, too. Even when they are around, they might be mentally preoccupied with work. Ever been to a dinner where your date is constantly checking their phone for emails or taking urgent calls? That’s often the norm when you’re with someone whose job is their top priority.

It’s a classic case of time versus money. Sure, having a partner with deep pockets can provide financial comfort and a taste of the high life. But it can also mean that your quality time together is limited, scheduled, and sometimes interrupted. This is the part of dating a high earner that doesn’t get glamourized, but it’s a significant part of the package deal.

While I’m personally no millionaire, I’ve been the one working long hours and been with someone who’s equally tied to their job obligations. In my experience, this lifestyle can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction, as those cherished moments together become rare and often rushed. It takes constant adjustments and finding joy in brief, quality moments, rather than expecting long, uninterrupted periods together. Balancing a relationship with such a demanding schedule is challenging, but it also teaches you to value the time you do have.

The Balance Act in Relationships

Maintaining a healthy relationship in the face of demanding work commitments is challenging, but not impossible. Here are several insights and tips to maintain a steady course in your love life, even amidst turbulent times.

  • Communication is Key –  This is Relationship 101, but it’s worth repeating. When time is scarce, make every conversation count. Be clear about your schedules, and keep each other in the loop when it comes to any changes. Maintaining a connection goes beyond logistics. It involves creating a sense of closeness and togetherness, even when you’re apart.
  • Quality Over Quantity –  Forget the idea of long, lazy days together. Instead, focus on making the most of the time you do have. Whether it’s a quick coffee date or a half hour catch up at the end of the day, make these moments about just the two of you – no distractions, no work talk.
  • Plan and Prioritize – Spontaneity is great, but when time is a luxury, planning becomes essential. Schedule date nights and stick to them as you would any important meeting. Prioritize these moments and treat them with the importance they deserve.
  • Be Supportive, Not Resentful –  Understand that work commitments are not always within your partner’s control. Offer support instead of expressing resentment. This creates a positive environment where both partners feel valued and understood.
  • Find Joy in the Little Things – Sometimes, it’s the small gestures that mean the most. A love note, a surprise lunch delivery, a quick call just to say “I love you,” these little things can bridge the gap when time together is limited.
  • Embrace the Alone Time – Use the time apart to pursue your own interests and hobbies. This not only helps you grow individually but also brings fresh energy and experiences into your relationship.
  • Stay Flexible –  Plans might change, and unexpected work emergencies can pop up. Stay flexible and adaptable. Being understanding of each other’s professional demands can prevent a lot of unnecessary stress.

Relationships require give and take, and when time is the currency, it’s all about investing it wisely. By focusing on quality interactions, planning, and mutual support, you can navigate the challenges of a time strapped relationship and keep the connection strong.

Reframing Expectations – What Do You Really Want?

When you find yourself drawn to the allure of dating a high earner, it’s worth taking a step back to consider what you’re really looking for in a relationship. Is it the shimmer of a luxury lifestyle? Or is it something more substantial, like quality time and a deep, meaningful connection with your partner?

If a high flying life, with all its accompanying trade offs, is what makes you happy, then embrace it fully. But, if your heart craves a deeper emotional bond, someone who is consistently present both physically and emotionally, it might be time to realign your priorities.

Also, take a moment and ask yourself – how much time do you realistically want from your partner?  It’s crucial to be honest with yourself.  If you’re seeking a relationship with a high earner, are you prepared for the possibility of less shared time? Understanding your own needs and desires is crucial in not just finding a relationship, but in finding one that’s truly fulfilling.

Ultimately, the essence of a fulfilling relationship lies in striking a balance that resonates with your deepest values. This isn’t about doing what you think you “should” do or what you believe is right or wrong. Instead, it’s about uncovering what genuinely fulfills you and brings you authentic happiness.

It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of dating someone who can provide a life of luxury, but relationships are about more than just material comfort. They encompass connection, shared experiences, and mutual support. Recognize what you truly value in a partnership, and let that guide your choices.

Until next time,

Ash Pariseau

1 Comment

  1. This post reminds me of the Carly Simon song “Tired of Being Blonde” (1985)

    Going tangential:

    Around 2010 or so, I encountered a woman in this kind of relationship. He partner was high profile and they lived in Hollywood. In 2014, that relationship collapsed due to alleged infidelity and a physical assault. I made the mistake of becoming a confidant. It went sideways but, fortunately, didn’t cause any permanent damage to my marriage.

    Before that, my wife told me that there was only one woman out there that she didn’t want me to engage with. After that, there are two.

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