“Situationships are easier to come by, while relationships are way harder. What the hell has happened?”
A while back, contributor Caylie Jane raised the question on Thought Catalog, “What The Hell Happened To Going Out On Dates?” She states, “I’m racking my brain as to why the hell the world of dating has suddenly turned into a world of, “Let’s snuggle at my place and watch a movie.” Translation: “I’ll let you choose the background noise while I try and get into your pants.”
Caylie makes a rational point. By and large, the 50s dating style has been replaced with “Netflix and chill.” The idea of romance now seems like something that only exists in movies. Chivalry isn’t practiced as much as it once was. We are texting more now rather than talking on the phone. We exchange sexy selfies instead of mix-tapes. This understandably leaves some women like Caylie frustrated, wishing things could go back to how it used to be. However, there is one simple truth that is staring these ladies right in the face.
Dating has changed this way because we have allowed it to.
This isn’t something we can just blame on modern male behavior. When it comes to dating and relationships, women are mostly in control of the situations and the direction that things are headed. This is because it’s generally natural for men to chase and women to choose. Even though many things have changed, one thing that hasn’t is that men are still doing more pursuing and asking out on dates than women are. In fact, it appears as though this is their preference, according to a study in “Psychology Today” by associate psychology professor, Michael Mills, Ph.D. This puts women at an advantage because when they are in the choosing position, they get to set the parameters for what constitutes as a suitable date, and usually interested men will be agreeable to this. Somewhere along the way, this message has become lost to women, but the fact still remains true. The reason why dating has gotten so relaxed and lazy is because women have not been setting and enforcing their standards like they did in the past.
If you don’t want to go to his place to “hang out,” then you’ll have to speak up. Remember, you set the parameters, but be reasonable.
It’s never too early to start drawing boundaries, and doing so is a key factor in earning the respect of anyone you invite into your life. If he refuses the idea of going on a real date, you can rest assured he wasn’t for you.
Another thing to consider is that some guys have become a bit displeased with a double standard. Today, women like to talk about gaining equality between the sexes, so it’s justifiable that sometimes men are left wondering why they keep having to pay for all these dates and women never do. They become suspicious that women are wanting all of the benefits but none of the responsibilities of this so-called equality. We can assume this is a probable reason why men would rather stay in than go out. In this case, you might want to think about where you stand.
Do you value equality or tradition? See if you can strike a fair balance.
Remember that in general, men still prefer to do the initial asking out, so they might not mind paying at first. Though, on future dates, many of them would probably appreciate a little more effort and initiative from you when it comes to footing the bill.
All things considered, it’s easy to see why women like Caylie seem to think relationships in our current climate are harder to come by, but we have to keep in mind that we can obtain better quality dating experiences by reclaiming our natural feminine influence. The power is still in your hands ladies, all you have to do is take it.
We live in a hookup culture, that is the reality.
True, though this isn’t our preference. I’ll be getting to this in a post later on.
“The reason why dating has gotten so relaxed and lazy is because women have not been setting and enforcing their standards like they did in the past.”
Although I mostly agree with the above, you can’t ignore the fact that things have become crazy expensive. For many of us, going out for a simple meal and a movie, costs more in terms of percentage of income than it used to.
As far as “standards”, what does that mean? How the guy treats or behaves with you? Or is it the “standard” of excitement you expect him to provide on a date? You could probably have a lot more fun if you were taken to a show, dinner, and played slots, than just sitting at home watching a Red Box movie. But which would probably get you to know the other person better?
By standards, I mean both of what you just mentioned, but it’s more in terms of overall effort. Women have been sitting back and let men call the shots when it comes to spending time together, which is why we have terms like hanging out and netflix and chill. Women are not requiring effort anymore, which is a large part of why dating is the way it is and why so many women are unsatisfied.
You’re right, dating has become more expensive in relation to income. If you get a little creative though, you can find nice ways to get out of the house and do things on a budget. I’ve always enjoyed things like geocaching, hiking, attending local events that don’t have to cost much to get in.
Reap what you sow ladies.
Now, it’s “brave” and wonderful that you ladies can marry yourselves (since men suck, womp womp):
It’s things like that, which are the reason we never let Canada become a state! lol
Welcome Sarah Konnor. I appreciate your comment and thank you for that link. I just might have a post on that topic.
This is all great advice. Ironically, the sexiest thing a girl can do on a first date is not have sex with me.
But I also have to be convinced she’s like that with all guys.
Welcome Brock, and thank you.
I agree that everyone would benefit by bringing back dates. I also think that women and men should both be able to ask someone out, And that they should both be responsible for paying for dates. Whoever asks pays. When you have a relationship take turns.
Exactly. This is truly what works well in my own relationship.