“Situationships are easier to come by, while relationships are way harder. What the hell has happened?”
A while back, contributor Caylie Jane raised the question on Thought Catalog, “What The Hell Happened To Going Out On Dates?” She states, “I’m racking my brain as to why the hell the world of dating has suddenly turned into a world of, “Let’s snuggle at my place and watch a movie.” Translation: “I’ll let you choose the background noise while I try and get into your pants.”
Caylie makes a rational point. By and large, the 50s dating style has been replaced with “Netflix and chill.” The idea of romance now seems like something that only exists in movies. Chivalry isn’t practiced as much as it once was. We are texting more now rather than talking on the phone. We exchange sexy selfies instead of mix-tapes. This understandably leaves some women like Caylie frustrated, wishing things could go back to how it used to be. However, there is one simple truth that is staring these ladies right in the face.
Dating has changed this way because we have allowed it to.
This isn’t something we can just blame on modern male behavior. When it comes to dating and relationships, women are mostly in control of the situations and the direction that things are headed. This is because it’s generally natural for men to chase and women to choose. Even though many things have changed, one thing that hasn’t is that men are still doing more pursuing and asking out on dates than women are. In fact, it appears as though this is their preference, according to a study in “Psychology Today” by associate psychology professor, Michael Mills, Ph.D. This puts women at an advantage because when they are in the choosing position, they get to set the parameters for what constitutes as a suitable date, and usually interested men will be agreeable to this. Somewhere along the way, this message has become lost to women, but the fact still remains true. The reason why dating has gotten so relaxed and lazy is because women have not been setting and enforcing their standards like they did in the past.
If you don’t want to go to his place to “hang out,” then you’ll have to speak up. Remember, you set the parameters, but be reasonable.
It’s never too early to start drawing boundaries, and doing so is a key factor in earning the respect of anyone you invite into your life. If he refuses the idea of going on a real date, you can rest assured he wasn’t for you.
Another thing to consider is that some guys have become a bit displeased with a double standard. Today, women like to talk about gaining equality between the sexes, so it’s justifiable that sometimes men are left wondering why they keep having to pay for all these dates and women never do. They become suspicious that women are wanting all of the benefits but none of the responsibilities of this so-called equality. We can assume this is a probable reason why men would rather stay in than go out. In this case, you might want to think about where you stand.
Do you value equality or tradition? See if you can strike a fair balance.
Remember that in general, men still prefer to do the initial asking out, so they might not mind paying at first. Though, on future dates, many of them would probably appreciate a little more effort and initiative from you when it comes to footing the bill.
All things considered, it’s easy to see why women like Caylie seem to think relationships in our current climate are harder to come by, but we have to keep in mind that we can obtain better quality dating experiences by reclaiming our natural feminine influence. The power is still in your hands ladies, all you have to do is take it.