In my last post, Why You Should Never Nag Your Man, commenter Miranda addresses a concern about what to do if he’s the one nagging you. She says that though her boyfriend is great, he sometimes come off as pushy.
We often hear about the nagging wife syndrome, but I’m willing to bet that nagging husbands are more common than we are being lead to believe.
However, I think it’s important to know the difference between when someone asks you to do something, when they remind you to do it, and how that is different than nagging.
Nagging involves forceful and continuous urging, and is usually cast off as fault finding. In other words, they aren’t just asking or lovingly reminding you to do the dishes. They know you know it needs to be done, but they want to push you to do it now, not later, and they are irritated that it wasn’t done yesterday.
So how do you respond when your significant other is nagging at you?
Well, I’ll tell you how I dealt with a family member of mine – a relative, though not a parent or spouse.
First, I asked myself if their nagging was with any merit. Did I promise to do something that I later slacked off of doing? The answer was no. Was the task a time sensitive issue? Nope. There was no reason to be on my case.
I recognized the difference between reminding and nagging, so when it began to be too much, I knew I had to enforce some boundaries.
I simply stated, “I’ll handle it.”
When someone hears you say that, they’ll know it’s their cue to back off.
You don’t want to get upset and bark at them to leave you alone, but you also don’t want to jump when they try to crack the whip. You have to stay in control of the situation, so just say, “I’ll handle it.” I like this line because it’s direct, yet subtle.
If they try to push further after that, repeat it once more.
“I said I’ll handle it.” Then walk away if you have to.
They have to know you will do things on your own time, according to your schedule, and that needs to be respected.
You shouldn’t have to get into a long, drawn own argument about whatever it is. He is your partner, not your parent.
If they learn they can get you to do anything by badgering you, they will only further walk all over you, and then you’re done. Then you’re whipped – so don’t let that happen.
Now, if you say that you’ll handle your business, you must actually handle it.
Don’t be a jerk by saying it as a front and then ignoring your duties.
Say it, then do it.
Until next time,
– Ash Pariseau
This is good advice, but when it comes to male nagging, it’s actually more in the context of nagging for sex than anything else. My ex would nag all the time about sex, how I don’t put out enough or initiate enough, even though we had sex at reasonable intervals. It made me so upset and tbh I lost so much attraction for him. I dumped him after I had just had enough of it. My friends share similar stories about how they wish their boyfriends wouldn’t nag for sex so much.
I always find it amusing when men complain about how all women nag, because at least 70% of my exes have nagged me for sex at several instances. It’s just that men nag about things that they care about (i.e sex) and when they nag, they assume that they’re just “asking” but when a woman does the same, she’s “nagging”. And I think that this stems from the fact that these men think that their requests are somehow more important than a woman’s requests, so that makes his requests valid, while hers is just nagging. And I bet that that same mouth that they use to complain about their gf/wife nagging them during the day is the same one that they’ll use to nag her about sex later at night.
Hi Taylor, thank you for bringing this up as I think it’s an important issue – one that I plan to cover in a post sometime.
What men like your ex don’t seem to understand is that between men and women, our windows for a good sexual opportunity often don’t align.
Men are pretty much up for it most of the time. As women, we have smaller windows where we want it. There are other times where’s it’s just not a good time for us.
You should never feel you have to have sex if it’s just not a good time for you. However, when men are rejected in an instance, they feel a hit from that. They feel rejected and if it’s something they face a lot, they will begin to feel less worthy or less desired by you.
So what I think is important is to compromise. If you don’t feel like you want to have sex every single day, then say that and be sure to tell him that is just how your body works, but also tell him when you do want it. You could say, “I’m not feeling it right now but I think by morning, I will be more refreshed and ready,” or whatever works for you. This is letting him know that it’s not just you rejecting him as a lover.
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